As a lifelong lover of historical past, hype and hoax, it was inevitable that eventually I’d examine patent medicines. It turned out it occurred sooner.
As I recall, I stumbled throughout an article on them in The Previous Farmer’s Almanac once I was a pre-teen. What first caught my consideration was footage above the article of patent medication posters and labels. For causes I by no means discovered, at the same time as a little bit child I liked outdated time graphics and lettering (which, now that I give it some thought, could have attracted me to the almanac within the first place).
However graphics apart, as soon as I learn the medicines’ claims, I grew to become entranced with their brazenness and bumpf: Regardless of the nostrum, it claimed a positive remedy for every little thing from crabs to catarrh, from hemorrhoids to hematomachrosis, and for every little thing in between.
In fact, they cured nothing, besides possibly insatiable curiosity. Even worse, in too many circumstances, they left the client far worse off than earlier than they’d tried them.
Patent medicines began in England and have been so named as a result of they received a letter of patent from the Crown. It wasn’t a patent like we consider it, going by all types of scrutiny and having all of the components on the label. As a substitute, it simply meant that maker had a monopoly on that components, no matter it was, and later it referred to all pre-packaged meds offered over-the-counter.
Within the U.S., when it got here to patent medication components, all bets have been off. So whereas the general public was abundantly conscious of the medication’s claims, they have been wholly blind to what they have been pouring down their gaping maws. And damned good factor too, because the final time I checked with my pleasant neighborhood toxicologist, I used to be informed in no unsure phrases that kerosene (one ingredient in Hamlen’s Wizard Oil, a well-liked patent medication) was to not be taken internally, even when artfully disguised by flavorings.
The patent medication hucksters didn’t depend on labels, posters, or newspaper and journal advertisements alone, however unfold their phrase by medication exhibits. These have been touring entertainments that had any mixture of music, tune, ventriloquism, magic, juggling — you title it — to attract within the rubes. After that, the barkers took over, hustling their wares with guarantees as limitless as they have been unfounded.
The largest and finest recognized medication present firm was the Kickapoo Indian Drugs Firm. At their peak, that they had nearly 100 exhibits beating the bushes (and the yokels) everywhere in the Japanese United States.
The Kickapoo’s important con was their product contained components utilized by Kickapoo healers, allegedly well-known for his or her surefire therapeutic powers. To bolster their claims of authenticity, every present had a retinue of Native Individuals, in full tribal costume. And whereas the Natives have been actual, none of them have been Kickapoos (who lived in Oklahoma), however have been far more readily-available Iroquois, with just a few Plains Native Individuals scattered right here and there.
In all equity, given the standing of nineteenth century medication, taking patent medicines could have been no worse than being below a physician’s care. And since quite a lot of the medicines have been loaded with alcohol and opiates, they most likely lessened ache, even when they didn’t remedy something or improve life expectancy.
The Pure Meals and Drug Act of 1906 tolled the loss of life knell for patent medicines, and by the Twenties, apart from just a few hangers-on, that they had all pale into the mists of historical past.
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Medical miracles — of 1 ilk or one other
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As soon as the twentieth century began rockin’, true medical miracles did come on the scene. However they have been attributable to vaccinations, antisepsis and antibiotics, not Professor Krueger’s Serpent Head Oil Elixer and Tricopherous.
Sure, science had lastly supplanted superstition.
Or had it?
Now, an fascinating twist.
As twentieth century medication progressed and seemingly-miraculous cures came about, medical doctors and the scientists behind them grew to become the brand new gods. Whether or not they needed that standing or not, they received it. And it wasn’t undeserved. From being unable to do a lot of something besides consolation sufferers and do this or that, they now eradicated many childhood ailments, stopped the wholesale slaughter of TB and smallpox, eradicated diabetes as a surefire loss of life sentence, ended polio epidemics, and on and on.
However then within the late Nineteen Sixties we entered The Age of Alternate options. Seemingly in a single day, new and completely different approaches to nearly every little thing got here in vogue. Conventional training, faith, marriage, train, food regimen, energy sources and extra, have been examined and located missing by many. They then have been changed, both by new methods (Montesorri colleges, macrobiotics, solar energy, natural gardening, uber-liberal faith) or outdated methods we’d had little or no data of (yoga, martial arts, meditation, Buddhism, herbalism, people arts and crafts, and many others.). And, as may’ve been predicted, fashionable Western medication got here below the gun, as various medication grew to become fashionable.
It turned out quite a lot of the alternate options have been much less efficient or extra dangerous than accepted medication, or in some circumstances out-and-out frauds.
As a younger grownup within the ’60s, I used to be overwhelmed by the sheer breadth of recent data. However being the skeptic I at all times was, I researched issues in depth earlier than I attempted them. Which, pre-internet, was no simple activity, since entry to sources was restricted by what you possibly can get your meat hooks on, instantly. However getting access to faculty libraries and inter-library mortgage, by an extended and tedious course of, I nearly at all times discovered the data I wanted.
When it got here to various medication, I used to be particularly cautious. It appeared quite a lot of claims and promotion have been nothing greater than patent medicines, with new wrappers and new raps. One instance was the blue-green algae ballyhoo of the early ’80s (that’s, Nineteen Eighties, although it may’ve been instantly lifted from the Eighteen Eighties).
In on a regular basis phrases, blue-green algae is pond scum. However for the blue-green algae hustlers, it was nothing lower than the reply to nearly each medical woe recognized to humankind, and doubtless to a bunch of unknown ones as nicely. It claimed to suppress urge for food, combat towards anemia, diabetes and liver illness, all of the whereas being a “superfood” that “cleansed and detoxified the physique.”
Beneath scientific scrutiny, it did none of these issues. However regardless of, as a result of connected with pyramid gross sales schemes and given the character of the placebo impact, the stuff offered far and vast. Its believers claimed it cured Granny’s room-a-tiz, Junior’s zits, and Fido’s worms, with evermore miraculous cures poured in from all corners of This Nice Land of Ours.
Lastly, as usually occurs with such hucksterism (although not usually sufficient for me), the blue-green algae increase imploded. After the preliminary heady rush of rejuvenation subsided, the marks realized, Junior nonetheless had zits, Fido nonetheless had worms, Granny was hobbling like she’d simply escaped from an auto da fe. And even worse, they themselves hadn’t seen both the years or their blubber soften away. In actual fact, if lastly dawned on them the one factor that had melted away was their disposable revenue (offered they’d had any to start with).
And so blue-green algae took its place as a miracle remedy, together with the likes of Blair’s Vermifluge, Wm. Scoot’s Billious Tablets, Ayer’s Cherry Pectoral and my favourite, Queen Nerve Tonic Psychine, “an infallible treatment for consumption and all issues of the throat and lungs.”
Or a minimum of it has for now.
However given individuals’s perception in folly and disdain for details, I’ve little question after I’m lengthy a’moldering within the chilly, chilly floor, blue-green algae, will make a comeback. And as soon as once more, the hustlers will — for some time, a minimum of — fill the rubes’ heads with false hope … and empty their pockets with glee.
